No Bull Humor

One day the army guys told us excitedly, the banana guy is here. (It took very little to make for an exciting day in Rio Hata.) The banana guy, it seemed, did not have a very swift understanding of arithmetic and sold his bananas three for a nickel, four for a dime, this being in pre-inflationary days when a stamp sold for three cents.

We all took our turns buying bananas, asking for two nickel's worth. The banana guy would mutter "Don't want dime's worth?" and we would patiently say "No, no, two nickel's worth", thus acquiring six bananas instead of four. It was great fun to watch his puzzled expression which clearly indicated to us that he knew that something was wrong but that he didn't know quite what. We all did it.

After I got out I was fond of telling the story of the banana guy and his "three for a nickel, four for a dime". I told the story many times over the years. Some ten years later the light dawned as I was in the midst of telling the story once again.

The proper price for bananas, I suppose, at that time and place was a penny a bunch - a big bunch. Whether the banana guy was a con man at heart or a marketing genius I'll never know but he had a racket. The marks were so busy enjoying themselves cheating the dumb Panamanian that they never tumbled to the fact that they were being taken.

Greener Grass...

Its important in life to reach out, to strive for greater achievements, to go for that greener grass that is on the other side of the fence.

But when you find yourself over-extended and you're stuck in a situation that you can't get out of, there is one thing you should always remember.......

Earth, a place of balance.

God was missing for six days. Eventually Michael, the archangel, found God resting on the seventh day. “Where have you been?” Michael asked.

God proudly pointed downward through the clouds and said, “Look, Michael! Look what I’ve made!”

“It’s a planet,” replied God, “and I’ve put life on it. I’m going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a place of balance.”

“Over there I’ve placed a continent of black people and over there is a continent of white people. On this continent, the northern part will be a place of wealth while the southern part will be poor. This area will be hot while that area will be very cold and covered in ice. Balance in all things!”

Michael was impressed by God’s work. He pointed to an area near the water on a different continent and asked, “What’s this area?”

“Ah,” said God, “That is Washington State, the most glorious place on Earth! There are beautiful mountains, rivers, lakes, forests, and plains. The people from Washington State will be intelligent, attractive, modest, sociable, hardworking and productive, and they will be known to all as diplomats and advocates for peace!”

But suddenly Michael again became confused and asked, “What about balance, God? Didn’t you say Earth was a place of balance?”

God smiled and said, “Ah, there is another Washington on the other side of that continent. Wait till you see all the idiots I put there!”

Bull vs. Audience

Check My Balance

I went into my bank the other day and asked the cashier to check my balance. She pushed me over!

Blond Joke

There are two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my Sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive Out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to Send her the word "comfortable."

The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-da-bul.

NO BULL!

Larry, the lawyer, was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by old Bubba the rancher. Bubba's prize bull was missing from the section of the ranch that the railroad passed through. Bubba only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.

The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.

Larry immediately cornered Bubba and tried to get him to settle out of court. Larry did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.

After Bubba signed the release and had taken the check, Larry couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling Bubba, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"

Old Bubba just smiled, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning."

Give the Frog a Loan.

A frog goes into the bank and asks the teller for a loan. The teller tells the frog to see Mr. Paddywack, the loan officer.

Mr. Paddywack looks at the frog and says, "What do you have for collateral?"

The frog pulls out of his pocket a solid silver elephant.

Mr. Paddywack looks at the elephant and says, "I don't know. I'm going to have to ask Mr. Larson, the bank manager to approve this."

He goes into Mr. Larson's office and comes back.

Two minutes later, Mr. Larson comes out with the elephant and says, "It's a knick-knack Paddywack, give the frog a loan!"

Spreadsheet of Your Life

Selling Bananas