SAND,
PEARLS, AND STRENGTH OF CHARACTER by Bob Burg
Besides
making life a lot less stressful and a lot more fun, mastering the art
of positive persuasion is, in and of itself, one of the best methods
for
developing our character. Why is that?
Because,
prior to using just the right words and phraseology to gently take a
person
from a negative direction, to another that will benefit us both, we
must
take first things first. In other words, before we can successfully
take
a potentially difficult situation (usually in the form of a difficult
person)
and turn that into a mutually beneficial result, we must first become
proficient
at dealing with ourselves.
As
we all know, nobody can make us angry without our permission, but it's
difficult sometimes to not give them permission, isn't it? The
good
news is that every time we improve in this area, even just a little
bit,
we can take pleasure in having greatly improved our strength of
character.
In
his book, "Guard Your Anger," Rabbi Moshe Goldberger says, "God created
oysters with the capacity to transform an irritating piece of sand into
a pearl. This serves as a model for us - every trial contains precious
jewels which we can find and develop." One of those trials certainly is
dealing with a person who is either intentionally or unintentionally
being
difficult or irritating.
Philosopher/statesman,
Edmund Burke, pointed out that "He who wrestles with us strengthens our
nerves and sharpens our skills. Our antagonist is our helper." Yes, he
or she is, but in order to appreciate that person instead of resenting
them, we must continually keep that statement in mind.
And,
in his 1909 classic, "Peace, Power and Plenty," Orison Swett Marden,
wrote:
"Self-Control is the very essence of character. To be able to look a
man
straight in the eye, calmly and deliberately, without the slightest
ruffle
of temper under extreme provocation, gives a sense of power which
nothing
else can give. To feel that you are always, not sometimes, master of
yourself,
gives a dignity and strength to character, buttresses it, supports it
on
every side, as nothing else can. This is the culmination of thought
mastery."
Remembering
any of the above quotes and philosophies at a time when someone does
something
irritating takes forethought, rehearsal and self-discipline. It is not
necessarily an easy task. Then again, it isn't supposed to be. As the
grain
of sand was described as "irritating" before being turned into the
pearl,
so is that person irritating before you turn them into friend. Just
think;
all that time, without even knowing it, he or she was helping you to
grow.
Bob
Burg
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